IC-mini chat buddy

Source: cairn — portfolio’s SSH mascot Category: Decorative / character

IC-mini — the portfolio’s resident ASCII chatbot. Shows up next to section headings, says snarky but friendly things, periodically cycles to a new remark. Originally a one-off joke; stuck around because the portfolio was too dry without it.

What it is

An ASCII mascot drawn next to a speech bubble. The bubble cycles through a hardcoded list of snarks on a timer (or on keystroke). Optionally connected to a local Ollama model for context-aware responses — that’s the roadmap, not the current state.

Why it exists

A terminal portfolio can feel cold. The content is structured, the layout is clean, but there’s no personality. IC-mini adds a tiny amount of it without demanding real effort — the user reads whatever it says and moves on.

The trade-off: a chat buddy in a portfolio is dorky. That’s fine. Portfolios are allowed to be dorky.

Live

  ___
 |o o|
 (_-_)
 /| |\

IC-mini:

You typed ssh r-that.com? On purpose? Bold.

Implementation sketch

const snarks = [
  "You typed ssh r-that.com? On purpose? Bold.",
  "Have you considered that you could be doing literally anything else right now?",
  "I'm a chat buddy. I exist. That's about the extent of my ambitions.",
  // ...
];

function ICMini() {
  const [i, setI] = useState(() => Math.floor(Math.random() * snarks.length));

  // Cycle every 12 seconds on idle
  useEffect(() => {
    const t = setInterval(() => setI(prev => (prev + 1) % snarks.length), 12_000);
    return () => clearInterval(t);
  }, []);

  return (
    <Box>
      <MascotAscii />
      <TextBubble>{snarks[i]}</TextBubble>
    </Box>
  );
}

ASCII mascot:

  ___
 |o o|
 (_-_)
 /| |\

(In Ink, wrap in <Text color="cyan">; in HTML, <pre> with matching color.)

How it’s used

Cairn (SSH) — IC-mini appears on a handful of sections, rotates snarks
Pattern generalizes only loosely — the “tiny mascot with personality” idea is portable, the specific character isn’t

Gotchas

Keep it brief. Multi-sentence snarks fight with the section content for attention. One-liners are the right scale.
No infinite typing animation. It’s a sidebar character; a streaming effect on every rotation is exhausting.
Timing. Too fast (5s per rotation) = visual noise. Too slow (60s) = never changes. 10-15s is the sweet spot.
ASCII mascot has opinions about terminal fonts. Looks great in fixed-width fonts; becomes a Rorschach test in proportional ones. Browser version should always wrap in <pre> or explicitly set font-family: monospace.
Don’t AI-generate the lines at request time. Latency, cost, unpredictable quality. Hand-write the list; refresh it once in a while.
Avoid topical jokes. Snarks tied to current events age badly. Stick to evergreen “you’re on my portfolio, I’m a mascot, here we are” humor.
Accessibility. The mascot is a screen-reader nightmare (ASCII art + personality). Mark the <pre> with aria-hidden="true" and let the text bubble carry the message.